The Haunting of Whaley House (2012)

Now, what can be said about this film?
It’s from the Asylum, that legendary producer of such Mockbuster titles, such as The Da Vinci Treasure (The Da Vinci Code), Snakes on a Train (Snakes on a Plane), Transmorphers (Transformers), Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) and countless, countless more.
What makes Asylum so special, is that unlike the modern big releases, they’re made on a shoestring budget (often, for sums in the tens of thousands) over the course of a few days, just look at their knock off of Thor (The Almighty Thor) a film so mystical that 90% of the footage is filmed against a scrolling wall, literally just a wall.
Or Snakes on a Train, in which the ending of the film is solely decided because of the poster design they used to pitch the film.

Now, on to the film at hand.
The Haunting of Whaley House, possibly the most generic horror film you can imagine, a bunch of twenty-somethings let themselves into the local haunted house, a period attraction that one of them works at.
Slowly they get killed one by one, and why?
It’s never actually shown, the house apparently calls to a girl with psychic ability and tells her to kill herself, which apparently opens the gateway to the next world and the ghosts decide to keep that gateway open and start killing everyone.
Then we’ve also got the ghost of a killer (Santiago) who is apparently just going around killing alongside the ghosts of the house.
With apparently one of the twenty-somethings having enough of a resemblance to the ghosts dead daughter to warrant extra attention.

So this film doesn’t make sense.
We’ve got Penny, who looks identical to Violet, and the Ghosts of the Whaleys want to take Penny with them to the next world despite the fact Violet is already dead so surely the Whaleys know this?
What doesn’t make sense in this instance is that if they can posses or control the actions of people, then why didn’t they just do this to Penny?
I honestly feel as if the entire Santiago aspect of the film, was added last minute, I mean we’ve got a mutated wall of flesh in the attic (obviously a screen of Latex) in which a… monster is killing people from? Or maybe hes using the dead to construct himself a new body, another thing that is not explained.
At the end of the film, when everyone but Penny is dead and Santiago is now fully formed and present in the physical world, but the Whaleys turn up and.. subdue him? All they really do is guide him away, and when Penny denies the family, they vanish and Santiago… doesn’t come back, what the?
Really the film just doesn’t work.

The Ghosts of the Whaleys don’t come across as sympathetic and misunderstood, they act maliciously through out the film causing the death of people both directly and indirectly.
None of the humans are particularly likeable, everyone making stupid decisions and walking themselves to death.
I mean there’s a fire escape in the damn attic and it’s got a freaking padlock on… A FREAKING PADLOCK and it only gets mentioned at the very end when everyone else is dead.

As much as I love The Asylum, this is one I can’t recommend, the lore of the film is insubstantial, it’s weak and illogical.
Some of the lines are just laughable (though usually that’s what we’re looking for with these guys) but the effects are.. well some of them are actually quite good, so it’s got that going for it, which is nice.

All I can tell you is that if you want to just watch some mindless ghost based slaughter, then this is the film for you, otherwise there is so much better out there.

Of course, I am not above linking you to the damn thing if you really want it…

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I am Silent, part time programmer and full time narcissist, gamer, geek and man on a mission.

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