Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

A brief laugh at Hard Rock Zombies.

A blond hitch hiker is picked up by two fellows in a car, somehow they get her to go skinny dipping in a toxic looking lake and that dirty blond goes on and kills the two guys, drowns them both in that lake.
In the distance, a creepy fellow takes pictures with his henchmen, two midgets of what seems to be non-human origin, the ghoulish short people help the blond dispose of the bodies and then BAMN, the movie is on.
Next we open on the band playing for their legion of fans, as they finish their gig and head back stage one of the groupies (a young looking lass named Cassie) pleads with the band to skip the next venue on their tour, her home town but the lead singer (Jessie) seems to have fallen for Cassie and ignores her plea.
The band travel to the town and pick up that very same blond girl who suggests the band stay at her families house, and the family really do turn out to be eccentric.
The band stash the stuff at their hosts house and then go on rampage through the town, ending up back at the blonds house very sorry for themselves.
While playing for the family the band end up getting themselves killed, the grandmother turning werewolf and killing the band members (it was their own fault really).
Once the band are buried, Cassie plays their latest single, a song made with lyrics taken from the fabled book of the dead, while playing the song over their graves, the band come back in the form of zombies, who then proceed to kick the ass of the nazi clan who murdered them (no kidding, the family were nazi) and attain divine retribution.

Okay, that is the plotline… Kinda.
This movie is bad, really bad, I mean it’s no good at all.
The only good thing about this movie is how bad it is.. and the boobs.
What I disapprove of about this movie, is just how little sense it makes, the evil patriarch of the killer blonds family is non other than Adolf Hitler, the grandmother a werewolf, the midgets both seem to be demons or something.
Then of course, if the band were on tour, they would have booked a place to stay, if such a small town had no where like a motel then why would the band be going there?
And of course, how did the band get a hold of the Nerconomicon, a fabled book bound in skin and written in blood, where did they get it and can I get an introduction to their antique book agent as the man must sell remarkably cheap.

As you know, I can forgive a lot, but this movie is terrible.
But what I do forgive it is that the film was originally going to be a feature film in the movie American Drive In, planned to be only short clips played through out the film over the Drive In, so the fact the paid a few more dollars to turn it into a feature is quite cool, but I would have liked the story pieced together to be a little more coherent, though the many various elements might have been cool all separate, when put together it doesn’t make enough sense.
Looks like one of the movies needed changing for the sake of the other, they chose the wrong one American Drive In would still have been a decent movie if the Hard Rock Zombies had been written differently.

In the end, I like the idea more than the execution.
Hard Rock Zombies scores a paltry three boobs and brains out of ten.

Originally written on a previous incarnation of Geekenbrau.
Content remains identical however article titles have been changed.


I am Silent, part time programmer and full time narcissist, gamer, geek and man on a mission.

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